Crying over the end of Breastfeeding

After 3 months of successfully breastfeeding Sonia, it has sadly come to an abrupt end. It's been one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride over the past week as Sonia's demand was far exceeding my supply. And, finally the supply went away.  I tried everything I could to get my body to keep up, but nothing I did made a difference.  It just kept dwindling away until I had nothing left to give. Devastating! I feel so frustrated with myself and my body, and so upset that it ended this way.

No one tells you how incredibly challenging and stressful breastfeeding your baby can be. But no one can even come close to describing how absolutely beautiful and precious it is when it works.  This is my second full day without nursing Sonia at all, and I miss it so bad that it hurts!  I feel heartbroken.  It's a little hard for me to write this now as tears are streaming down my face. I miss looking down and seeing her sweet little face latched on to my breast.  I miss the deep closeness and peace I felt whenever we nursed. Even when her big brothers were mauling her as she ate! After 2 miserably failed attempts at breastfeeding my boys, I finally found that elusive feeling of baby joy. A lot of that joy came from successfully breastfeeding my baby girl.  Now that's gone, and there's a big void that is leaving me filled with sadness.

Someone reminded me today to see the good in this situation. How awesome is it I was actually able to successfully breastfeed Sonia 3 months longer than I ever have before. And, even if this is my last baby, I'll always have that beautiful experience with my baby girl to look back on with deep feelings of love and appreciation. Trusting that I gave it my best, and remembering my best is always good enough.  Priceless gifts of the heart that will carry on forever. For this, I am grateful.

Here's to looking upon every experience of our lives with love in our eyes and peace in our hearts.

Big Thank You to Elizabeth Hilkert of Feather and Light Photography for capturing this precious breastfeeding moment with Sonia.  I'll always have this to look back on and remember how beautiful it was.  



Post a comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Each email address will be obfuscated in a human readable fashion or, if JavaScript is enabled, replaced with a spam resistent clickable link. Email addresses will get the default web form unless specified. If replacement text (a persons name) is required a webform is also required. Separate each part with the "|" pipe symbol. Replace spaces in names with "_".
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

Filtered HTML

  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <blockquote> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
This question is for testing whether or not you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
4 + 4 =
Solve this simple math problem and enter the result. E.g. for 1+3, enter 4.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.

Welcome Baby Sonia!

I’m so happy to announce the arrival of our baby GIRL, Sonia!  Third times a charm for getting our sweet baby girl.  We were totally shocked and excited to hear those words, “It’s a girl” as our little Sonny Girl made her way in to the world on that snowy first day of Spring.  Totally worth the almost 42 week wait!  We’re all soaking up the sweet girl energy in our house, especially after five years of living in rough and tumble boy world! It’s amazing how equally wonderful, yet so uniquely different and special it is to love your baby girl. Loving every sweet moment! 

Creamy Chocolate Mousse Smoothie

My day got completely derailed by crazy, winter weather and a sick kid yesterday.  Typical life of Mom!  At 39 weeks prego, my hormones were running wild, and so was my mood.  I guess getting your day turned upside down, scrubbing vomit out of your rugs, and running continuous loads of puke soaked laundry will do that to ya!  

I needed something super satisfying to keep up with my crazy day that would quench my intense chocolaty smooth craving.  So I took it to my Vitamix, and away I played. Oh, I was so happy I did! Because what came out soaked every part of my body with velvety chocolate deliciousness and mood boosting goodness. Here it is. 

Silky Smooth Chocolate Mousse Smoothie

Stress Hurts!

What in the world was I thinking moving to a new home with a 21 mo. old, 4 yr. old, and 34 weeks pregnant! After looking for a home for 2.5 years, we finally found it, and now became the only option to make the move.  I had no idea what I was in for.

Enter complete overwhelm!  Add in my hubbs starting a new job in January, which left me with just about all of the move duties; we’re taking on a demo/renovation in our new house in addition to all of inspection "to do's" being done as we moved in; I'm still working; figuring out what to do with my kiddos during the move; and oh yeah, I have 3 professional certifications up for Recert all due before this 3rd baby arrives in 5 weeks. It gives me ogeda just thinking about it!  Now add my arch nemesis, Type A Perfectionist personality that I've been working so hard to tame in to the mix, and we've got an all-out Mommy meltdown ready to blow at any given moment! Which, by the way, already happened three times.  I know we all have a load to carry, and that it’s how we carry it that makes all the difference.  Well, I'm realizing I'm not carrying this load very well at all.

Take the 7 Day Green Juice Challenge! Melt Fat and Feel Good.


The Powerhouse Juice that Rocks Your Body and Health

No wonder why this has literally saved me during my last 2 pregnancies (1 is still going!).  Helping me prevent/treat Charlie Horses, Varicose Veins, Low Energy, Mood Swings, and is a key ingredient in keeping this pregger only gaining Healthy Pregger Weight!  It’s been my saving grace through Post-Partum Depression/Anxiety as well as easing the daily stresses that come along with MommyHood.  Can you say, totally worth it?  Totally! 

Why it works!

The Feel Good Power of the “Golden Green,” Kale, Apple, Lemon Juice

It’s power packed with energy/mood boosting Vitamins A, C, E, K, B1, and B2; body balancing minerals magnesium, calcium, copper, iron, and potassium (Has more Calcium per gram compared to Whole Milk! Say, “Sayonara” mucus causing milk, and hello to super green goodness!)  To top it all off, it’s fully loaded with Immune Boosting Antioxidants like beta carotene, flavonoids, quercetin, lutein and zeaxanthin.  Can you say cancer fighter?  Absolutely!             

Health Benefits

Weight/Fat Loss:  Cleansing, nourishing, stress reducing!  You name it, this juice does it.  Beats the bloat, improves digestion, helps regulate blood sugar, and melts the fat away!

To Doula or Not to Doula

A First Time Mom-To-Be asked this question today in my PreNatal Yoga class.

Personally, I've had both experiences (1 birth with, 1 without, and third will be sans doula too). I didn't have a positive experience with my doula. I had a 14+ hr. labor that went from 7pm to 9:30am, and she refused to come until I was getting ready to push so she could “save her energy.” Really! My whole reason for paying good money for a doula was to help me get through the labor best I could minus the meds. She showed up after I started pushing, and long after I already begged for and received the epidural. Needless to say, I was not a happy Mama, and the whole doula thing only added stress and frustration to an already challenging labor experience!   On the flip side, I've heard lots of great things about other doulas. So, explore, feel it out, and go with your gut! Just remember to ask the doulas you interview when she will show up for Labor and Delivery, and what her role will be when she gets there. I also learned that the nurses at the hospital I delivered at (shout out to Paoli Hospital L & D Nurses) Rocked, and were like doulas anyway. Ask around about your hospital's L & D nurses, and feel out whether you should Doula or not.

Why Do the Doula

Surviving Sugar Shock from My Pregnancy Glucose Test and Better Options to Avoid It

I just survived another sugar shock episode from my pregger glucose test. Thank God it was only very blurred vision, some jitters, and then followed by a violent bout of a bowel clean out 2 hours after the test! Last time I broke out in hives, felt like I drank 10 Red Bulls, had blurred vision, and took two whole days to get myself back to neutral. My body totally freaked out!  I prepped better this time (with my plan below), but this totally made me think this happening two pregnancies in a row just isn’t right.  This obviously can’t be good for me and my baby!  So, what’s a pregger to do? 

I shared my glucose pregger test nightmare with my gal pals, and one of my pregger friends chimed in with a “Help a Mommy Out” comment that said, "She was shocked my OB made me do this!"  She said her OB offered an Organic OJ as a healthy, better option.  What! I had a choice?  I could've saved me and my baby from the chaotic shock this test puts my body through! Why wouldn’t all OBs get on board with this better for Mom, better for Baby option? I felt both pissed and inspired to dig in a little deeper to help other Moms-to-be avoid the negative effects of this ever so dreaded test.  

Talk About Sleeping Baby. Sleep Deprived Moms Want to Know!

New Moms, Moms who’ve been around the block a few times with the babes, and every Mom in between wants to know, “How do I get my baby to Sleep?!”

We’ll try anything to attain that holy grail of sleeping baby. It’s the hot topic of Mom conversations everywhere, and one that I’m asking myself as I prep for baby #3.  So, what’s your secret to sleeping baby success?  Sleep deprived, desperate Moms want to know.

I always try to remember that the most important thing here is the health and wellbeing of me, my baby, and my family, so whatever works to accomplish this, I think is all good and priceless.  You and your hubbs (significant other) have to be on the same page too.  You’re a team.  If one of you isn’t buying in to the plan, the plan won’t work.  And, remember plans change!  We’re getting to know our babies, and understanding how they behave and respond to different things.  So, be consistent with your efforts, and very open to the change-up plan when it’s needed.  I always give it 3 straight days of consistent effort to see if what I’m doing is working, or needs a revamp.